What I Learn From January

This might be a new rubric in this blog. I sort of want to write down what I’ve been through last month and sum up the lessons learnt from all the things that happened. Hopefully I’ll write something like this consistently every month so that one day when I went through similar stuff; I won’t make the same mistake again. 

(one)

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you’re willing to do everything to get it? Well, I have. Let’s call it the X Thing. Let just say X Thing is one big opportunity that every fresh graduate or first-jobber will kill to get it.

I’ve been wanting X Thing since 2011 so I strived for it. I didn’t make the cut. Understandable. I was still too green.

Last year, I strived for it again, but this time I was totally giving my all to it. I did something I’ve never done before, I asked people, I studied, I researched, I prayed.

I still didn’t make the cut.

Yes, I am disappointed and yes, I’m wondering why every day. I can’t survive one day without thinking about it. Whole this time I’ve been dreaming how my life will be like if I get the opportunity. I’ve prepared things in a very delusional way and I can say that I’m ready.

But it’s not going to happen.

The hardest part maybe when my loved ones tried to comfort me by saying “don’t worry, there is always next year.” The problem is I’m not sure I’m gonna try it again next year, I don’t know what else to give since I’m already giving my very all..

It’s not easy to move on. But it’s not good to keep being miserable like this. So now I’m just gonna focus on my job, giving my best like always and keeping myself busy all the time. And one thing, I’ll stop wanting something so bad. I lose faith.

(two)

Have you ever been in a situation where everything is too impossible to do and a whole universe is like conspiring against you? That kind of situation when all your senses can’t function normally, that kind of situation where people are not there to help you, that kind of situation where giving up is the only option. Sticky situation, that’s what they said.

I was there.

I almost gave up. I almost ran away.

But I didn’t.

Deep inside, I had this believe that I could do it. The result would be suck, but I still could do it anyway. So I did it and I made it!

At the end of the day I looked back and realized, giving up is not the only option, it’s never the only option. There’s always an option to keep doing it. Yes, it will be very risky, but again, you still can do it anyway. Take the risk, it’ll give you another option.  

(three)

I envy those who can read.

I envy those who find pleasure by reading.

I never had close relationship with reading. I’m always a person who prefer audiovisual to text.

It’s all fine until I start to feel the urge to read more because my writing skill is worsen. I tend to forget words, I find it hard to define and express something and my writing is tasteless.

I did few blogwalkings lately and I found many simple ideas could be very interesting if it’s nicely written. The similarity? Their author is an avid reader.

So it’s all set. Reading more is my 2013 resolution.