I had enough

You know one of those days ketika lo harus menghadapi sesuatu yang berat di hari itu to the point anxiety berlebihan menuju hari H?

Yep, for me that’s tomorrow.

I hate it.

A lot.

Ceritanya ada event yang mana gw PIC-nya. Event-nya sih cetek ya, ga macem-macem, sebentar cuma 3 jam~ Ga seheboh waktu gw meng-organize acara public marathon 10km pas di Dian yang melibatkan 5000 runner + pemerintah + seleb + petinggi2 company + dll. 

But it’s just… ga tau kenapa gw panik banget~ Lyke there’s so much risk in this project.. Everything can go not according to plan.. Everyone can get disappointed.. KPI won’t be achieved.. There will be punishment..

Overthinking gila.

Maybe bcoz sekarang gw tidak bekerja dengan orang2 yang bisa dipercaya. OMG itu rasanya kayak menanggung semua beban sendirian.. Waktu event Dian, at least gw bersama orang2 hebat yang knew what they were doing. They totally owned it. They made me feel safe and confident. 

Meanwhile sekarang gw totally alone—even my boss and my team aren’t helping.. Ga ada ownership-nya sama sekali sama event ini.. 

I hate it.

Persetanlah dengan budaya gotong royong rakyat Indonesia. Bulshit semua ketika masuk korporat. Gw lebih merasakan gotong royong justru ketika kerja sama company luar. 

I mean, I’ve been dealing with so many difficult days throughout my whole life.. Hari SPMB seleksi masuk UI, interviewing international public figures, serangkaian tes buat dapetin beasiswa Purpose, interview kerja sama bos2 dari luar negeri, presenting my thesis in front of professors, dll..

Itu semua lebih berat tapi gw ga sebegitu overthinking-nya waktu itu karena they were within environment that I could control. Result-nya gimana pun bisa gw kontrol..

Tapi yang sekarang tuh……

*deep sigh*

I hate it.

A lot.

What makes it worse adalah event ini bukan ide gw, tapi ide asbun orang lain yang bahkan ga bantuin ngerjain ini semua. 

Gw benci banget mengeksekusi ide orang lain. Let alone the one with so many factors to fail yang bahkan yang ngide aja ga kepikiran, because they are too shallow~

I hate that my fate is already decided. I know I’m gonna walk into the room on Monday with so many fingers pointing at me, with so many eyes staring at me in disappointment, and then it quickly becomes my judgment day~

Seriously.

I had enough. 

Let’s get the f* outta here.