Hey, you!

Yeah, you. It’s been a while since we talked last time in October.

It’s been 3 months more or less. This means I’ve been suffering this anxiety for 3 months as well.

When you first reached out to me, I was so happy. It was unexpected and pretty surreal at that time. Got my first job offer –a dream job from my dream company– two months before graduation? That is every graduate’s wildest dream and you made it happened!

I was so thrilled about my future. You gave me hope. You lighted me up. All I could see for 2018 was rainbow and unicorn. That was one of the happiest moment in my life.

And then you called. We talked. It started off good, really good. We got to know each other, we listened to each other, we shared the laugh.

Then we were running out of time. You were running out of time. You realized that there were still so many things you hadn’t asked me, so you rushed. You rushed everything. You got aggressive. You attacked.

I was helpless. I was panic. I didn’t know what I was doing.

The last thing I knew, I messed up. You got me. It was a checkmate for you.

You hung up the phone. I didn’t.

Part of me wanted to keep talking to you, share more mutuals we had, and conclude the talk with a “speak to you soon” or even better, “see you soon”.

But no. All you gave me was “all the best”.

I was confused. I was angry. But, as naïve as I might sound, I believed there is still hope in “all the best”. I believed “the best” for me was you.

So I waited and waited.

One month passed. I reached out. No answer.

Oh maybe you were busy.

Two months. Still no answer.

Oh maybe you were still busy. It was December. Everyone is the busiest at the end of the season.

Then January came down and passed.

I was frustrated. I was angry.

All I need is one chance, one opportunity to make my dream come true, to give back to the community, to contribute to my country, to make ends meet doing something I actually want to do—not something everybody else thinks I want to do, to be in a place where I actually belong.

I am disappointed. In you, in myself, in life.

But lucky you, I am also a fool.

So I will keep waiting.

If you read this, I trust you. You know what you gotta do.

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-Seeta.